Those Phrases given by My Dad Which Rescued Us when I became a First-Time Parent

"In my view I was merely just surviving for twelve months."

One-time Made In Chelsea star Ryan Libbey expected to handle the challenges of becoming a dad.

However the truth quickly became "completely different" to his expectations.

Serious health issues during the birth saw his partner Louise hospitalised. All of a sudden he was forced into acting as her primary caregiver while also looking after their infant son Leo.

"I took on all the nights, every change… every walk. The job of both mum and dad," Ryan shared.

Following nearly a year he reached burnout. It was a talk with his own dad, on a public seat, that led him to understand he needed help.

The direct words "You're not in a healthy space. You need support. How can I help you?" created an opening for Ryan to talk openly, ask for help and find a way back.

His situation is not uncommon, but rarely discussed. Although the public is now more accustomed to addressing the pressure on mums and about post-natal depression, not enough is spoken about the challenges new fathers encounter.

Asking for help is not weak to seek assistance

Ryan believes his challenges are linked to a wider reluctance to communicate among men, who often absorb damaging notions of masculinity.

Men, he says, frequently believe they must be "the fortress that just takes the pounding and stays upright with each wave."

"It is not a display of failure to seek help. I didn't do that soon enough," he explains.

Mental health expert Dr Jill Domoney, a specialist who studies mental health before and after childbirth, notes men often don't want to acknowledge they're having a hard time.

They can feel they are "not a legitimate person to be requesting help" - most notably in front of a mother and child - but she highlights their mental health is just as important to the unit.

Ryan's chat with his dad offered him the chance to request a break - spending a few days overseas, away from the domestic setting, to get a fresh outlook.

He realised he had to make a adjustment to pay attention to his and his partner's emotions alongside the practical tasks of taking care of a new baby.

When he shared with Louise, he discovered he'd overlooked "what she needed" -reassuring touch and paying attention to her words.

'Parenting yourself

That epiphany has transformed how Ryan perceives parenthood.

He's now writing Leo weekly letters about his experiences as a dad, which he aspires his son will see as he matures.

Ryan thinks these will help his son to more fully comprehend the language of emotional life and understand his decisions as a father.

The concept of "self-parenting" is something musician Professor Green - also known as Stephen Manderson - has also felt keenly since having his son Slimane, who is now four years old.

During his childhood Stephen was without consistent male a father figure. Even with having an "incredible" bond with his dad, deep-held difficult experiences meant his father had difficulty managing and was "in and out" of his life, affecting their bond.

Stephen says repressing emotions caused him to make "poor choices" when he was younger to alter how he felt, finding solace in drink and drugs as escapism from the pain.

"You find your way to things that aren't helpful," he notes. "They can short-term modify how you are feeling, but they will ultimately exacerbate the problem."

Tips for Managing as a New Dad

• Share with someone - if you feel swamped, tell a friend, your other half or a counsellor how you're feeling. This can to reduce the stress and make you feel more supported.
• Remember your hobbies - make time for the activities that allowed you to feel like the person you were before the baby arrived. Examples include going for a run, seeing friends or gaming.
• Look after the body - a good diet, getting some exercise and where possible, getting some sleep, all are important in how your mind is doing.
• Spend time with other first-time fathers - sharing their experiences, the messy ones, as well as the positive moments, can help to put into perspective how you're experiencing things.
• Know that requesting help is not failure - taking care of you is the optimal method you can support your loved ones.

When his father later died by suicide, Stephen expectedly had difficulty processing the death, having been out of touch with him for a long time.

Now being a father himself, Stephen's resolved not to "perpetuate the cycle" with his child and instead give the safety and emotional support he did not receive.

When his son starts to have a meltdown, for example, they try "shaking it out" together - expressing the emotions constructively.

The two men Ryan and Stephen explain they have become more balanced, healthier men since they faced their struggles, changed how they talk, and taught themselves to manage themselves for their kids.

"I have improved at… processing things and handling things," explains Stephen.

"I wrote that in a message to Leo last week," Ryan says. "I wrote, sometimes I think my job is to teach and advise you on life, but actually, it's a two-way conversation. I am understanding as much as you are through this experience."